August 7th we had an unexpected but happy positive pregnancy test. As we waited for our first ultrasound appointment nervous but we grew more and more excited about our little baby and becoming parents. We bought books for expecting mothers and fathers, Spent hours before bed discussing baby names and writing them in our baby journal, Looked at car seats and tiny clothes and started planning how we would announce our big news! A month later on September 8th we woke up happy and nervous to finally go see our little one, We sat in silence with the ultrasound tech for what felt like forever staring at a tv screen that showed our baby knowing something wasn’t right. When the doctor came in we were told they couldn’t find a heartbeat and the baby was measuring a bit behind. We were to come back in 9 days to check again. We spent 9 days grieving as suddenly everything that made me feel like an expecting mother vanished. The nausea was gone, the hunger subsided and the excitement turned into devastation. September 17th we did another ultrasound and there was no growth and no heartbeat. The doctor confirmed what we already knew, that we’ve miscarried our first baby. “It’s common, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage go home and be with each-other. I’m sorry for your loss” . Going through this experience opened my eyes to the stigma behind talking about miscarriages. “1 in 4” if it’s so common why does it feel so lonely and embarrassing to talk about? The ultrasound tech told us before leaving “if you start talking about it you’ll be surprised who you know that has also gone through it so I’m talking about it, not to make others feel obligated to do the same but to at-least let them know they aren’t alone. Our baby so tiny and carried briefly inside of me will forever be in our hearts.
What Has Helped You Heal?
It’s been 7 months and we still have some really bad days but we’ve also learned to allow and soak up the good days. We’re still navigating our loss but talking about it and helping others through it has brought a lot of healing.