What can I do to help?

Give a hug, say a prayer or send a note of love and support.

Any type of acknowledgment of your concern and love is so appreciated. It feels so much better to be noticed and remembered than forgotten in a time of grief.

Bring a meal or arrange a weeks worth of meals.

This helps ease the great burden of needing to have energy of mind and body to prepare meals while recovering physically and emotionally.

“My wife and I were both so exhausted from the emotions of the week that having a few meals provided was a such a weight off our back.” – Caleb

Drop off a freezer meal. Grief comes in waves and there just might be a day down the road where this can be a great relief and help for them to have something ready to put in the oven.

Offer to babysit their other children.

Not only does this help mom/dad to get rest and recover physically and emotionally, but allows the kids a break from the home and to have some fun.

Drop by a treat for mom and dad.

“Someone dropped by a bag of treats on my porch and I didn’t even really know how much we needed it. I had no appetite after we lost out baby, but it hit the spot and I savored each bite of that chocolate.” – Jennifer Z.

Send or drop off flowers.

“Friends brought me flowers when they heard we lost our baby. I never liked bouquets of flowers before, but now they remind me of something beautiful during a dark time.” – McKenzie N.

Give a gift of remembrance.

A small token or gift to help them remember their baby. “I had a friend take the time to cross stitch a pillow with my baby’s name on it. It meant so much to me that she wasn’t forgotten.” – Erica S.

What to say

Simple words of encouragement and love mean the most.

“I’m sorry you lost your baby.” “I can’t imagine your grief.” I’m here if you need to talk.” “I’ve been thinking of you.” “I’m praying for you.” and “I love you.” are the most tender and meaningful words that can be offered.

“When I told my best friend, I’ll never forget her reaction as she was currently 10 weeks pregnant with her second baby and never had a loss. Never struggled to get pregnant even. Her eyes welled up with tears and her voice cracked as she said, “I can’t even begin to imagine how it must feel to lose your baby, the baby you loved, and wanted so much. I don’t understand why some people have to lose their babies and some get to keep theirs. It seems so unfair.” I loved her answer. It was pretty much the perfect thing to say to me.” Karissa D.

Be willing to listen or just cry with them.

Let those who are grieving take the lead on how much they do or don’t want to share with you. It’s a difficult time for them and probing them for details usually isn’t helpful. Just let them know you care and be a listening ear when they do want to talk.

“I remember just crying on the phone with my sister in-law after she had a miscarriage. I had called to tell her how sorry I was that she had to go through this, but the words could barely escape my tongue. We now had this unfortunate experience in common and no words were even needed to show that we cared for one another. We just cried together.” Daisha

Avoid comments with judgement or advice.

Each story, baby and family is unique and not everyone will grieve or feel the same way you do after a loss. Be careful not to use trite phrases like, “Maybe it’s for the best.” “At least it was early in the pregnancy.” “Just remember all you’ve been blessed with.” “At least you have other children.” “Maybe it’s not in God’s plan.” While these phrases seem like they are supportive and helpful they typically are not. When men and women are grieving the loss of their baby these statements can seem hurtful even though you may not have intended them to be.

“Losing a baby at any stage of pregnancy is a loss. Treat it as such and allow those going through it to grieve in the way they need to with no judgment. Let them know that it is normal to feel heartache and sorrow, even if they never got to see their baby or hear them breathe. The loss of expectations for your baby, life and future is incredibly painful and needs no judgement or advice, just love.” Ashley S.

“Most people were so kind and understanding- but I also heard responses that hurt my feelings a bit. I remember when someone said “Oh, don’t worry- you’ll have another baby someday!” Her intentions were so good and positive, but to me it felt painful. I was in the lowest part of my journey and grieving our loss. It is important to remember that people all go through different stages of grief and it is good to acknowledge their pain and not be dismissive of however they might be feeling. I loved when people told me their story of loss, and offered tips on how THEY healed themselves- or simply told me they were so sorry for what I was going through, offered to help or offered to listen/asked about my story and how I was feeling.” -Shelby Blanton

Show compassion and talk to the father/husband too.

It’s not just the woman who experiences the loss and emotions that come with losing a baby. Men grieve this loss too and need our love and support.

“We lost several babies to miscarriage and it wasn’t very often that people would talk to me about it. When someone actually did it really meant a lot. I appreciated that they would ask how my wife was doing but that they would also ask how I was doing. It was a grief that both of us were dealing with and it was so nice to not be forgotten.” C.J.

Send some care

Sometimes a small act of kindness can mean the world to someone. A care package is a good reminder for someone who has lost their baby that they are not alone and their baby is not forgotten.

Care packages include:
• A heart pendant, keychain and wristbands
• A personalized letter
• A journal
• A keepsake box

Help others recieve care packages

We couldn’t do this without your support. Any amount helps us continue to create and send care packages as well as provide other resources.