Hard Times – A Father’s Perspective

I felt the need to share my story, as there doesn’t seem to be stories shared from the father’s perspective. I know when my wife and I first experienced our loss, and I was informed about the existence of this page, the first thing I looked for was a story shared by another father who had experienced this. So I hope this story will help some father in the future. My wife has had a few miscarriages in the past, along with one child. Since we have been together, we have had 2 unconfirmed miscarriages; barely far enough along to result in a positive pregnancy test. But back in October of 2021, we found out that we were pregnant again. We were so excited! I always knew I wanted to have kids. But as this pregnancy developed, I began to realize just how excited I was to have one! Since my my son is almost 3, my wife and I really wanted to have a child together soon, in hopes that our son wouldn’t feel so separate from his siblings. The fact that we were so close to having that, added to my excitement! I couldn’t wait to experience this pregnancy with my wife and meet this precious baby! Due to her past miscarriages, my wife went in for an early concern appointment when we were just under 7 weeks along. They took some blood to test HCG levels and all. Everything looked normal. That’s when the bleeding started. I will never forget the tone of my wife’s voice and the look on her face when she first saw some blood on her clothes. We called the doctor immediately, and went in for another ultrasound the next morning. We were able to see the baby! It was so small and precious! The baby seemed to be doing well, with no indication of any complications. It was concerning when we found out that the heartbeat was 107; the recommended range for its gestational age is above 110. I was hopeful, thinking that things should level out and be okay. Just caught it at a bad time or something. My wife was much more worried about it. The doctor said that he isn’t too concerned, but gave us some progesterone to help it along. He said that sometimes women will bleed during pregnancy. There’s no real reason for it, nor does it mean anything for the baby. So we felt a little worried, but hopeful. Things were looking great, and we made the next appointment to come in for another ultra sound a few weeks later. A few days later, there was some more bleeding. We did the same thing we had done the first time. The baby was still there and doing very well, with a heartbeat of 120! It measured to be about 7 weeks and 2 days old. This is when we were able to get pictures of our baby. We were so excited, and left this appointment feeling very good! We just assumed that this pregnancy would include some bleeding that wouldn’t make a difference. My wife experienced a bit more bleeding over the next few days, but just assumed it was natural. Everything was doing well for another 2 weeks, which put us at almost 9 weeks along. I knew if we could just make it past the 12 week mark, that’s when the chances of miscarriage would be much smaller. I was hoping and praying so much that we could make it to that. Then at the beginning of December, there was a lot more bleeding, coupled with heavy cramping. We called the doctor, and said we would have another ultrasound the next morning. But based on the doctor’s reaction over the phone, and how my wife was feeling, we came to the understanding that this was it. We did what we could to alleviate the cramping. Then we said our goodbyes. I still hoped that is was going to be another miracle, and that the baby would be doing much better than we expected. Unfortunately, it was not the case. I vividly remember sitting in the ultrasound room, watching as the nurse looked around, trying to find a heartbeat. She switched on the setting that would display blood flow, and there was nothing around the baby. The nurse broke her silence with a simple, “I’m so sorry.” It only measured to be just under 8 weeks, which was a week behind what it would have been. There was no explanation as to why we had lost our precious one. We had the D&C the next morning. I was hopeful up until I left my wife for them to start the procedure. I had a hard time accepting the truth. I felt like it was still possible that things would turn around. But at that moment, I was forced to accept that there was no chance. It’s hard to have such high hopes, dreams, and plans for your child; only to have them taken away so unexpectedly. There was anger, sadness, and confusion. I had to be there for my wife, who I felt was struggling much more than I was. But there were moments when she had to comfort me as well. Over the next few weeks, I felt as though angels in heaven and on earth were surrounding us. We received so many heartfelt, unexpected outpourings of love. We had felt strongly before we knew we were pregnant, that this child was a girl. And we’ve since felt as though one of the names we had chosen for our future children belonged to her. We’ve felt her presence, comforting us with the knowledge that she is there. We’ve felt her love, and she reassured us that she felt our love. Our angel will be watching over us always from now on. These thoughts and experiences gave me the strength to carry on. And my wife and I now know that we can get pregnant, and that we’ll be able to have a child of our own some day. We just have to be patient until then.”