To date, I have had three miscarriages. This is the story of my second. Because she was a chemical pregnancy without a positive home test, many people told me that I wasn’t really pregnant. I had to suffer through not only the loss of a child, but the cruel insistence by some of the people in my life that she didn’t count without those two pink lines. I know what it feels like to be pregnant, and I know that I felt that. I know what normal period cramps (even really bad ones) feel like — and those were not period cramps. My cervix dilated and everything. With all three miscarriages, people have tried to brush off as surely being a birth defect, as if they actually knew that and as if that changed the fact that I don’t have my children with me. I know that she was fearfully and wonderfully made exactly the way she was to meant to be, and I know that one day, I will hold her and her brothers in my arms.
What Has Helped You Heal?
My church is a place where I can be very real. I can cry in the middle of the service. I can tell my small group that I’m struggling. They’re there for me through it all.