Caring for you
The emotions of losing a baby can be a whirlwind. It is so hard and often comes with no warning. You might be feeling profound sadness, anger, hopelessness, disappointment, shock, confusion, loneliness and you may be heartbroken. You may even question if you did something wrong. These reactions are normal and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Give yourself time to feel all the emotions. The tears will come and go for days, weeks, months or even years. That is ok. Your baby is a part of you and forever in your heart.
Taking time to care for yourself is an important step in healing both emotionally and physically. You are important, you are not alone and you are loved.
Take Time to Care for Yourself
Take time for your emotional and mental health recovery.
Your mind is a powerful tool and our thoughts can encourage us or drag us down. Take time to grieve and work through the many emotions of losing your baby. You will have many sad, and perhaps even doubting thoughts, but that is ok and normal. As you work through processing those thoughts, over time, also try your best to fill your mind with positive thoughts and affirmations. When you feel ready, find someone to talk to about your loss. It can be hard to speak about losing your baby, but it can be helpful to connect with others who have experienced a loss. It can be a great stepping stone to helping you process all you are going through. It could be a friend, family member or someone whose story you read on this website. Seek for guidance, peace and comfort from those you know who love and care about you.
Many people find great healing, comfort and relief in speaking with a counselor as they work through their grief. Speaking to professionals about your loss is not a sign of weakness but can help empower you in your healing process. Although it is hard at times, taking steps in finding power and positivity in your emotional and mental healing can bring you greater peace and hope after losing your baby. If you are feeling anxious or depressed, speak with your doctor. They care about you and are there to help you.
“I spent a lot of time laying bed. It sounds silly, but it was my safe haven, a quiet place in the first few weeks. I was physically recovering from a c-section and emotionally exhausted. It was an environment I controlled and didn’t have to face other peoples’ questions or see the rest of the world carrying on while mine stopped. I did start grief counseling almost immediately as well. This helped me sort out some emotions and also got me out of the house a little. Talking about my loss helped tremendously, and having someone who has the sole purpose of just listening to me talk was very therapeutic.”
Donelle Fuhrman“After our loss, I felt paralyzed by the grief. My mind wouldn’t stop spinning and I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone except my immediate family for about two weeks because it was too painful to face the world. One sleepless night I stumbled upon the Headspace app that teaches you how to practice meditation and mindfulness techniques. I started doing that every day before I would pray and go to bed. Over time, I learned how to process the difficult emotions I was feeling without letting them consume me. Learning mindfulness allowed me to feel the sadness of losing my twins, and still recognize the sunlight above the clouds.”
Alicia Johnson“Talking about our miscarriages with my husband and family truly helped me get through the hardest days.”
Lindsie BirdBe patient with your body and physical healing.
Each woman, each body, goes through its own journey during miscarriage or stillbirth. It’s a traumatic journey that our physical body endures and it needs time to rest and heal. Take some time off work, go to bed early, find a sitter for the other kids, put your feet up more or do whatever else you might need to to give your body proper time to heal and recover.
If you were previously physically active and desire to get back to exercise as a way to heal your body and mind be sure to check in with your doctor before you do so. Take time to ease slowly back into exercise and be in tune with your body so you can resume physical activity safely.
You can find some medical advice from an experienced OB/GYN nurse on our Medical Resources page about how to care for yourself after a loss.
“I gave myself plenty of time to heal. The physical part was different with all 3 miscarriages, but I listened to my body and gave it what felt right. Whether that was a long bubble bath or a getaway to the movies, I made sure to let myself do those things. The mental healing took quite a bit longer.”
Lindsie Bird“After I found out we had lost our baby I had a heartbreak that I “felt” in every part of my body. I had an incomplete miscarriage and had to have a D&C. After having the procedure, I focused on healing my body physically so that I could look towards the future and feel hopeful about eventually having a healthy, full-term pregnancy and baby. I truly feel like focusing on healing my body physically helped my mental and emotional healing as well.”
Shelby BlantonTake time for reflection and spiritual healing.
Losing a baby and working through each aspect of grief (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) is important. Recognize and write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Not only can this be a therapeutic practice, but it can allow your mind to be free of some emotions and when you reflect back about what you wrote, it can bring further learning and healing. Write down inspirational quotes or scriptures that you find encouragement and hope in. Read them often to give you strength when you are feeling weary. Spend time in meditation or prayer. It can give you great perspective, understanding and peace. Seek for guidance, peace and comfort from those you know who love and care about you.
“I took time to heal after my miscarriages. And healing came in different ways. Sometimes I would talk to people about it, sometimes I wrote about it in my journal. Sometimes it took longer to heal, especially ones when I was further along. But it was important to recognize that it happened, it wasn’t my fault and that it would be ok”.
Shauna Brown“Relying on my faith also played a major part in my healing. I taped a certain bible verse to my bathroom mirror and read it daily- it reminded me to not obsess on the how’s or why’s, and to be hopeful for the future.”
Shelby Blanton“ After losing my baby almost six years ago, getting pregnant again was really scary. At first I was really worried about everything, and that I would lose the next baby. I prayed a lot, and was able to receive comfort that everything was in the Lord’s hands. I felt that whatever happened would be up to Him, and that brought me peace. We were able to bring a healthy baby into our family.”
Sharon StewartTake time to do something you enjoy.
Peace and comfort can come from taking some alone time for yourself or taking a moment to do something you enjoy. Listen to uplifting music, read a book, go see a movie, take a walk, take a nap, enjoy your favorite food, sit outside and listen to the birds sing, spend time in prayer, etc . . . Most importantly invest some time in taking care of yourself. You have been through something difficult and deserve some self care. You are important and you are loved.
“My in-laws had come into town during Fall break, as they usually do. Growing up, I played the piano. I wouldn’t say it’s something that I’ve mastered or have really excelled at but none the less, I was an average pianist. I had a piano in my house that never got played because it was extremely out of tune. During my in-laws stay, my mother in-law decided to research someone to come tune my piano and that was going to be our Christmas gift. It wasn’t much longer after the piano was tuned that I had miscarried. The piano was part of my healing process. There were a few songs that I would play without any hesitation of not knowing the notes or the flow of the songs. My fingers would glide across the keys playing music that helped heal my broken heart. When the kids would leave in the morning, I would sit and play. It was good for my soul. At that time it brought me much peace in my life that was filled with a lot of confusion.”
Maile YoungTake the time to care for yourself. You are important and you are loved.
CARRIED THROUGH CONNECTION