Each member of the family needs support

The loss of a baby can be so hard on the whole family. If you have already told your older children about a new sibling joining the family you might be wondering how you can help them now understand the sad new of your loss. It’s not easy and it’s emotional, but know that as you talk with them your gentle words and love will carry and support them as they try to understand and process their grief too.

How to help your older children who are grieving too

Let them cry

Children need to cry and let those emotions of grief out just like we do. Snuggle up and just cry together.

“Calvin, 7, was in a puddle of tears. He just cried and cried. He was so sad. He really wanted a baby brother. He didn’t understand how this could happen. We all sat there and cried together.” – Renae C.

Be patient

We all process loss and grief in our own way and own time and that is ok. It can be a confusing, scary, and fearful time for them just as it may be for you.

“My 8 year old couldn’t talk about losing the baby right away. It was too painful for her. After about 5 months she was able to be in the room as I talked to others about it. She would sit and listen and I feel like she would slowly start to process it. She has started mentioning Ellie every once in a while now.” – McKenzie N.

Listen

Be ready to listen when they are ready to talk.

“My 9 year old cried just as much as my husband and I did those first few days. It was so hard for her to process that her brother had died and yet she hadn’t even been able to meet him. It took a few days and then she started talking about her sadness and disappointment. I just listened and hugged her.” – Stacy

Answer their questions

You may not feel as though you even have the right or perfect answer to your child’s questions and that is ok. Be honest, uplifting, encouraging and try your best to give an answer for their level of understanding. Even saying, “I’m not sure” is a fair and honest answer.

“For about a month or two after we lost our Ellie, Max (3 at the time), needed to talk about it a lot. He kept repeating, “Mommy did the baby die?” “The baby is dead, huh, mommy.” “Mom, the baby died.” “Why did the baby die?” “Mommy are you sad?” I just did my best to answer his questions in a way that a three year old could understand. “Yes, she is dead, but she is still a part of our family.” “Yes I am sad and I miss her but I am happy to see her again someday.” I tried to keep it positive and that seemed to help him process it all.” – McKenzie N.

Give them a gift or memento to help them remember their sibling

Often children love visual reminders or comfort items to get them through a hard or stressful time. A book, stuffed animal, jewelry, blanket, etc. are are all great ideas. We offer a free memory wristband for children and parents so the whole family can have a way to remember the baby. Receive them when you place an order for a care package or you may order them separately by emailing info@alwaysinmyheart.com.